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Ever wonder why?? (Lil joke)
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Thread: Ever wonder why?? (Lil joke)

  1. #1

    Ever wonder why?? (Lil joke)

    Hi ppl I thought I should post something here since i'm bored and thought someone might like a little joke to cheer up their day ;D If you know any post them please ;D

    Ever wonder why...

    .........why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

    ...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

    ...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

    ...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

    ...why doctors call what they do "practice"?

    ...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

    ...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

    ...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

    ...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?

    ...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

    ...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

    ...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

    ...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

    .........why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

    ...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

    ...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

    In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

    On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

    On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

    On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

    On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????.....)

    On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

    On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

    On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

    On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

    On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

    On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh.....fly Delta?)

    I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

    On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
    (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
    ...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
    ;D

  2. #2
    Mentor Stuart's Avatar
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    Re:Ever wonder why?? (Lil joke)

    [quote author=a.lost.soul link=board=17;threadid=7455;start=0#msg68545 date=1059460529]
    ...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

    [/quote]

    fortune thinks so.

    con is to pro as congress is to progress

  3. #3

    Re:Ever wonder why?? (Lil joke)

    ;D

  4. #4
    Guest

    Re:Ever wonder why?? (Lil joke)

    Why do women keep asking the question "does this dress make me look fat" ? (No - hell what do you expect me to answer to that one, I know I'm sleeping on the couch if I answer yes.)

    Why does the doors at 7-11 have locks (afterall they are open 24x7x365).

  5. #5
    Mentor
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Posts
    1,672

    Re:Ever wonder why?? (Lil joke)

    [quote author=Lovechild link=board=17;threadid=7455;start=#msg68553 date=1059495747]
    Why do women keep asking the question "does this dress make me look fat" ?
    [/quote]

    The correct answer to that is: "Honey, it's not the dress that makes you look fat, it's the fat that makes you look fat!" ;D

  6. #6

    Re:Ever wonder why?? (Lil joke)

    Why does Half and Half have 3 ingredient's??

  7. #7

    Re:Ever wonder why?? (Lil joke)

    Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?

  8. #8

    Re:Ever wonder why?? (Lil joke)

    On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

    On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

    On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

    On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????.....)

    On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

    On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

    On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

    On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

    On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

    On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh.....fly Delta?)

    I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

    On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
    (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

  9. #9

    Re:Ever wonder why?? (Lil joke)

    I should try this sometime ;D

    An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
    >Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
    >
    >Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
    >
    >Older Woman: Oh, I see.
    >
    >Officer: Can I see your license please?
    >
    >Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
    >
    >Officer: Don't have one?
    >
    >Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
    >
    >Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
    >
    >Older Woman: I can't do that.
    >
    >Officer: Why not?
    >
    >Older Woman: I stole this car.
    >
    >Officer: Stole it?
    >
    >Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
    >
    >Officer: You what?
    >
    >Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
    >
    >The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half! drawn gun.
    >
    >Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
    >
    >Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
    >
    >Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
    >
    >Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
    >
    >Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
    >
    >The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
    >
    >Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
    >
    >Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
    >
    >Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
    >
    >The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
    >
    >The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
    >
    >Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
    >
    >Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

  10. #10

    Why English is so hard to learn

    # The bandage was wound around the wound.

    # The farm was used to produce produce.

    # The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

    # We must polish the Polish furniture.

    # He could lead if he would get the lead out.

    # The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

    # Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

    # A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

    # When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

    # I did not object to the object.

    # The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

    # There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

    # They were too close to the door to close it.

    # The buck does funny things when the does are present.

    # A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

    # To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

    # The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

    # After a number of injections my jaw got number.

    # Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

    # I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

    # How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

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