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Thread: [Girl, boy]friends

  1. #1

    [Girl, boy]friends

    About finding the one, which technique is better:
    (a) flirting out, hanging with many at a time and see if one seems more special to you, or
    (b) continue to do your stuff, be open to meeting new people and one day you will find him/her
    ?

    Right now, most of my friends are in category a, having multiple "friends", and filtering until there's only one left and going out with that one. I think this is too much like buying a car or something, and I am more a category b guy, I have faith that one day, I will meet the person I'm meant to spend my life with, but without having to do all the testing my friends do. I think we will both know it.

    But of course, I have no experience in that field, so what do people who are in couple think?

  2. #2

    Re:[Girl, boy]friends

    Just be open to anything. While choice A sounds like you are shopping, you are in fact shopping. If you just hang out too long and wait for Mr/Mrs right to come to you, you may be waiting a long time. The good things in life don't always come to you, you sometimes have to go out and find them. I say you need a good mix of A and B. Go out on dates, flirt, don't be exclusive if no one you are dating currently seems like the "right one." Waiting for the right person can be boring. Why not date a few Mrs/Mr maybes in the meantime. Go out and get laid while you're young. When the "right" person comes along, become monagamous.

  3. #3
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    Re:[Girl, boy]friends

    From my personal experience, I have to say that option B has worked out better for me. Not that I've met more women that way, but the quality of the women have been better. In other words, I've met more of the type of woman I want to date with plan B.

    A lot of this is a personal thing, too. I, for one, have never really liked the women I've met through flirting. Flirting is just this huge amazing game. The women have their part to play, and the men have theirs. I've never figured out my part, and end up insulting the women who are playing theirs out to the fullest. It's just too phony (for me.) I can never figure out if I'm actually getting to know someone, or just getting fed a line.

    I think you're right, about waiting to find that one special person. When you're guard is down (and hers too), you'll meet someone, and be yourself, and she'll be herself, and you'll know that she's the one. If you spend all your time flirting, you and the woman are just honing your acting skills.

  4. #4
    Advisor NGene's Avatar
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    Re:[Girl, boy]friends

    B!!!

    Well ok, I guess it depends on personal tastes too, but I'm all for B. Sure flirting may be fun, but I'm not so sure how well it works after all. Even when I didn't have a bf, I didn't flirt much. I just was myself, and if someone had a problem with it, fine. That's how I met my current bf - we were both just ourselves, and he realized I was a nice chick, and I realized he was a nice guy who didn't pretend anything.

    So, I'd suggest you to be yourself and be open to meeting other people. Then if you meet a nice girl someday, you can at least be sure she likes you for what you are, not how well you flirt or how good-looking you are.

  5. #5

    Re:[Girl, boy]friends

    I'd say B.

    But that's because I'm utterly hopeless at A. And B has always worked in the past for me. OK they weren't Miss Right, but if you don't try you won't know. (And occasionaly you need a Miss Right-here-right-now ).

    I think you'll have a better chance of finding a compatable partner with B.

  6. #6

    Re:[Girl, boy]friends

    So no one here flirts? I highly doubt it. Everyone flirts, even if its unintentional and done unaware. Whenever someone meets someone they are attracted to either physically or mentally, their demeanor changes, they smile more, laugh, touch their hair, joke around with the other person more, touch them more---that's flirting. When you were young and spalshed the girls you liked in the swimming pool, that was flirting. Flirting is the most natural thing in the world. Now if you think of flirting as saying things like "Hey baby, you know what would look good on you? Me." Then I agree, flirting is lame. But that's not flirting, that's being a cheese ball. Most of the time, when you flirt, you don't even notice it. Flirting is your body's unconciousness way of saying "Hey I dig you."

  7. #7

    Re:[Girl, boy]friends

    I'm quite the passivist, so I walk down path B. I have met a few special girls that way, stress on "few". I imagine I would meet a lot more girls going choice A, though I also think on average they wouldn't be as special. I say just make several friends, get a bi-gendered entourage going on, and see what happens.

  8. #8
    Advisor NGene's Avatar
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    Re:[Girl, boy]friends

    [quote author=tolstoy link=board=14;threadid=4621;start=0#46249 date=1029754244]
    So no one here flirts? I highly doubt it. Everyone flirts, even if its unintentional and done unaware. Whenever someone meets someone they are attracted to either physically or mentally, their demeanor changes, they smile more, laugh, touch their hair, joke around with the other person more, touch them more---that's flirting. When you were young and spalshed the girls you liked in the swimming pool, that was flirting.
    [/quote]

    Well yeah, I guess almost everyone does that. But I used the term "flirting" of behavior that is intentionally like that. "Being yourself" includes the unintentional flirting you're talking about here.

  9. #9
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    Re:[Girl, boy]friends

    Okay I tried both and none of them seems to work all that well for me - I've have the good fortune to meet two girls who mattered to me sadly both of them ended up hurting me immensly.

    So I seem to opt for door number two... Don't do jack about it, love will come when you least expect it, but sometimes it needs a little push.

  10. #10

    Re:[Girl, boy]friends

    B is better. A is for slicked forward haired 'cool guys' who are wannabe swingers.

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