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Thread: Please cheer me up guys

  1. #1
    Guest

    Please cheer me up guys

    Today I was suppose to have a romantic night with the girlfriend... well I was going to surprise her with dinner.. but a few minuts ago she called to say that today wasn't such a good day, because she would rather go to work, in order to make some money to pay for her laptop.

    So I'm rather sad right now, so please for the love of the man upstairs - tell a funny joke or something !

    And I guess next time I want to surprise her, I'll plan it ahead with her... kinda ruins the surprise but then again...

  2. #2

    Re: Please cheer me up guys

    kid quotes:

    < arms gesturing wildly >"daddy - you don't need to give me a spanking - mommy already gave me spanking[/b]

    < uncontrolled giggling > "daddy - why was tigger looking in the toilet?"
    me: i don't know know?
    < more laughing > "he was looking for pooh"


    i am not sure if that helps or not.... It works for me ussually.

  3. #3
    Guest

    Re: Please cheer me up guys

    Anyways... anyone up for Italian food... I made a whole bunch of homemade pasta which I know she loves... and now I have to eat it by myself...

    So if you can make it here in around 2-3 hours... dinner is on me... I'll even throw in a few bottles of fine red wine...

  4. #4

    Re: Please cheer me up guys


    Anyways... anyone up for Italian food... I made a whole bunch of homemade pasta which I know she loves... and now I have to eat it by myself...

    So if you can make it here in around 2-3 hours... dinner is on me... I'll even throw in a few bottles of fine red wine...
    If I had that personal jet I've been promicing myself for years, then I'd be there. *;D

    hmmmnnn.....pasta......*drool*.....


    Cook and present the food the best you can, take pics of it and pics of you enjoying your handiwork, and wine. Then send them to her, just with *:P on a note with them.

  5. #5

    Re: Please cheer me up guys

    is it vegatarian? if so i'll try to devise a plan to make it there in a few hours from the Chicago....

    /pbharris plots out plan...

    sneak aboard an ICBM

    trick our Commander in Chief that Denmark is planning on an imminent attack on the United States (easiest part of this plan)

    ride ICBM to Denmark - difuse 20 megaton nuclear warhead enroute.

    when about 2 miles above Lovechild's house jump off with a parachute.

    drop in and grab some food!


  6. #6
    Guest

    Re: Please cheer me up guys



    If I had that personal jet I've been promicing myself for years, then I'd be there. ;D

    hmmmnnn.....pasta......*drool*.....


    Cook and present the food the best you can, take pics of it and pics of you enjoying your handiwork, and wine. Then send them to her, just with :P on a note with them.
    Ahh... no matter how the women in my life treat me... I can always count on Popcorn to cheer me up..

    but no, I wouldn't be that mean.. She'll just have to eat the pasta tomorrow in some salat or something --- oh and she'll feel really dumb after this one.
    Because whenever I give her total control over what I'm suppose to make her for dinner... I'll bet my right arm the dish will include this pasta, and since this doesn't happen very often since we don't have either of the houses by ourselves very often.

    So this was suppose to be a special day, and now I mostly feel like ordering a pizza and downing a few beers... a lot of beers actually. Maybe I'll hack LFS tonight or watch a movie.

    Ohh what would be really fun to do to her.... I have this female friend she really hates, because she's prettier than her and she thinks she wants to steal me or something.. I should invite her over for dinner, in order to really mess with the gf' mind. of course what the gf doesn't know is that my friend is happily married and she only spends time with me because she needs help with studing...

  7. #7
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    Jul 2001
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    Re: Please cheer me up guys

    I know I am a bit late -- but you wnated a joke, okay.

    Disclaimer -- any names mentioned in here are not real names or made up names -- they do not exist. If you are offended by anything do not read this joke.

    Bill Gates, Linus Torvalds and I were driving thru Milwaukee to get to Madison (our wonderful capitol). On the way the car broke down and died. Recently we had passed a farm and I brough that up.

    Schotty: "Hey we passed some farm not too far back, wanna go and try to use their phone and have an address to meet up with the tow truck?"

    Bill and Linus both agreed. So we all happpily wander over to the farm. As we approach the doorstep, we wonder if anyone is home -- we dont see any body outside and the house is not very active. Linus approaches the door and knocks on it.

    The farmer kicks the door open and points a shotgun at Linus.

    Farmer: "What the hell do you want!"

    Linus: "We just needed to use your phone!!! The car broke down and we need to call for help."

    Farmer: "Okay...Here -- you can use the phone ONLY if each of you go into the fields and pick 3 of any one item. OK?"

    All of us: "OKAY!!!"

    We all split up and go in search of an item. I head straight to the vineyard and pick three grapes. I look around and the other two are still busy, so I go to the farmer's house and knock.

    The farmer kicks the door open and points the shotgun in my face. "Well, you got them. Good -- now drop your pants and jam them up your ass without breaking them!"

    I look in amazement, but comply due to the mean loking gun. I drop the drawers and start on my first grape. It starts to go in but breaks.

    BOOOM!!!. Schotty is now dead. The shotgun blast sent his skull into a new dimension of ugliness. The others really werent paying attention and didnt hear it, so they continue digging around. Linus finds some nice oranges and decides to bring three of them back to the farmer.

    Linus gets toward the door and notices my body (or whats left of it) and wonders what dumb comment I made this time. Approaches the door and knocks. The farmer kicks the door open and points the shotgun at Linus's head.

    Farmer: "See what happend to your stupid friend? The same will happen to you if you dont do what I say! Drop your drawers and stuff the 3 oranges up your ass!!"

    Linus: "ummm, okay....."

    He starts working on it and eventually with all his effort manages to get the first one in. At the start of the second, however, they both popped out. Linus keels over laughing hysterically. After some less than pleasant words with the farmer, Linus makes antother attempt. Failure. He keels over again laughing.

    The farmer confused, asks him if he is on drugs. "Look boy, are you just stupid? I am gonna kill you if you dont listen! Now what the hell is so damn funny??"

    Linus: "Well, that guy back there, well he went to get three watermelons!

  8. #8
    Guest

    Re: Please cheer me up guys

    omg.....

    ARGGHH now the cooking won't be the main problem... rather weither or not the ambulance will get here in time to revive me from the acute shock...

    man I haven't laughed that hard in weeks, months even...

  9. #9
    Guest

    Re: Please cheer me up guys

    is it vegatarian? if so i'll try to devise a plan to make it there in a few hours from the Chicago....

    /pbharris plots out plan...

    sneak aboard an ICBM

    trick our Commander in Chief that Denmark is planning on an imminent attack on the United States (easiest part of this plan)

    ride ICBM to Denmark - difuse 20 megaton nuclear warhead enroute.

    when about 2 miles above Lovechild's house jump off with a parachute.

    drop in and grab some food!
    No it's not vegan food.... but it isn't time to make the entire dish yet, I only prepared the pasta - so I could make it vegan if you would like it.

    How does Thai sound to you ?

  10. #10

    Re: Please cheer me up guys

    Thai - sounds yummy!!

    reminds me of this story...

    Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named Frank--who was visiting Texas:

    Recently I was honored to be selected, as an outstanding celebrity in Texas,
    to be a judge at a chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it.
    Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened
    to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon
    when the call came.

    I was assured by the other two judge (native Texans) that the chili
    wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer
    during the tasting, so I accepted.

    Here are the scorecards from the event:

    Chili #1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
    JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. *Amusing kick.
    JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. *Very mild.
    FRANK: Holy smokes, what the hell is this stuff? *You could remove dried
    paint from your driveway with it. *Took me two beers to put the flames
    out. Hope that's the worst one. *These hicks are crazy.


    Chili #2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
    JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbeque?) with a hint of pork. *Slight Jalapeno tang.
    JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
    seriously.
    FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! *I'm not sure what I am
    supposed to taste besides pain. *I had to wave off two people who wanted to give
    me the Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line.

    Chili #3: Fred's Famous Burn-Down-the-Barn Chili
    JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! *Great kick. *Needs more beans.
    JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
    FRANK: This has got to be a joke. *Call the EPA, I've located a uranium
    spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. *Everyone knew the
    routine by now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer wagon. *
    Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of
    my chest.

    Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic
    JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. *Disappointing.
    JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. *Good side dish for fish or
    other mild foods; not much of a chili.
    FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
    taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills so I
    wouldn't have to dash over to see her.

    Chili #5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
    JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. *Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
    considerable kick. *Very impressive.
    JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. *Must admit
    the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
    FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. *I farted
    and four people behind me needed paramedics. *The contestant seemed hurt
    when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. *Sally saved my
    tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. *Sort of irritates
    me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

    Chili #6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
    JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice
    and peppers.
    JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.
    Superb.
    FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous
    flames. *No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally.

    Chili #7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
    JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
    JUDGE TWO: Ho hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers
    at the last moment. *I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3.
    He appears to be in a bit of distress.
    FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth and pull the pin, and I
    wouldn't feel it. *I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it
    is made of rushing water. *My clothes are covered with chili which slid unnoticed
    out of my mouth at some point. *Good! *At the autopsy they'll know what killed
    me. I've decided to stop breathing; it's too painful, and I'm not getting any oxygen
    anyway. *If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in
    my stomach.

    Chili #8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
    JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all,
    not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
    JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor
    hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 fell and
    pulled the chili pot on top of himself.
    FRANK: ------------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

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