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Thread: Joke thread... Proof that I'm insane

  1. #21
    Guest

    Re: Joke thread... Proof that I'm insane

    The DOS 10 Commandments

    1.) I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates gets a cut of the profits therefrom.

    2.) Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking, standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that would be a gross hack.

    3.) Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don't need that much space anyway.

    4.) Thy application program and data shall all fit in 640K of RAM. After all, it's ten times what you had on a CP/M machine. Keep holy this 640K of RAM, and clutter it not with device drivers, memory managers, or other things that might make thy computer useful.

    5.) Thou shall use the one true slash character to separate thy directory path. Thou shall learn and love this character, even though it appears on no typewriter keyboard, and is unfamiliar. Standardization on where that character is located on a computer keyboard is right out.

    6.) Thou shall edit and shuffle the sacred lines of CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT until DOS functions adequately for the likes of you. Giving up in disgust is not allowed.

    7.) Know in thy heart that DOS shall always maintain backward compatibility to the holy 2.0 version, blindly ignoring opportunities to become compatible with things created in the latter half of this century. But you can still run WordStar 1.0

    8.) Improve thy memory, for thou shall be required to remember that JD031792.LTR is the letter that you wrote to Jane Doe three years ago regarding the tax deductible contribution that you made to her organization. The IRS Auditor shall be impressed by thy memory as he stands over you demanding proof.

    9.) Pick carefully the names of thy directories, for renaming them shall be mighty difficult. While you're at it, don't try to relocate branches of the directory tree, either.

    10.) Learn well the Vulcan Nerve Pinch (ctrl-alt-del) for it shall be thy saviour on many an occasion. Believe in thy heart that everyone reboots their OS to solve problems that shouldn't occur in the first place.

  2. #22
    Guest

    Re: Joke thread... Proof that I'm insane

    Reasons to use NT over any other OS

    NT is bigger, so it must be better!

    None of that silly object-oriented stuff.

    For only $295, you too can be an NT beta tester!

    Good excuse to buy that bigger hard drive you've been
    wanting.

    Now you can run all those 32-bit NT apps!

    Never worry about wearing out that right mouse button.

    No confusing shadows to get in the way.

    Cheating not allowed in NT Solitaire.

    Two words: File Manager.

    And most importantly . . .

    Bill Gates could really use the money.

  3. #23
    Guest

    Re: Joke thread... Proof that I'm insane

    I'm think we all need a laugh right about now, and this one was in my engineering magazine.

    ---------------
    When you have had one of those TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT days, try this:

    On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by *Q-Tip. Be very sure that you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.

    Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit, and lie down on your bed. Open the package containing the thermometer and remove the thermometer and carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

    Take the written material that accompanies the thermometer and as you read it you will notice in small print the statement that: *every rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip is PERSONALLY tested.*

    Now close your eyes and say out loud five times, "I am so glad that I do not work in quality control at the Q-Tip Company."

  4. #24
    Guest

    Re: Joke thread... Proof that I'm insane

    and another laugh is in order:
    -------------


  5. #25
    Guest

    Re: Joke thread... Proof that I'm insane

    Beware: "The squirrels are out of control"

  6. #26

    Re: Joke thread... Proof that I'm insane

    This seemed like the right thread, I've been laughing about this one since I read it:

    A Buddhist walks into a pizza place and says "Make me one with everything."


    No offence to Buddhists intended ;D

  7. #27

    Re: Joke thread... Proof that I'm insane

    D'ja hear about the agnostic dyslexic anorexic?
    He starved to death trying to figue out if there really is a Dog!!.>Barump-Bump<

  8. #28
    Guest

    Re: Joke thread... Proof that I'm insane

    My father send me this via email, I figured you guys were sick enough to enjoy it !

    An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband's sex drive.
    "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.
    "Not a chance," says Mrs.. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
    "No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on."
    A week later Mrs.. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.
    "Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor."
    "What happened?" asks the doctor.
    "Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was
    immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible."

    "What was terrible?" said the doctor, "was the sex not good?"
    "Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again."


  9. #29
    Guest

    Re: Joke thread... Proof that I'm insane


    My father send me this via email, I figured you guys were sick enough to enjoy it !

    An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband's sex drive.
    "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.
    "Not a chance," says Mrs.. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
    "No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on."
    A week later Mrs.. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.
    "Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor."
    "What happened?" asks the doctor.
    "Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was
    immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible."

    "What was terrible?" said the doctor, "was the sex not good?"
    "Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again."

    ROFL

  10. #30
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    stryder144's Avatar
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    Re: Joke thread... Proof that I'm insane


    My father send me this via email, I figured you guys were sick enough to enjoy it !

    An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband's sex drive.
    "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.
    "Not a chance," says Mrs.. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
    "No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on."
    A week later Mrs.. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.
    "Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor."
    "What happened?" asks the doctor.
    "Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was
    immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible."

    "What was terrible?" said the doctor, "was the sex not good?"
    "Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again."

    Yup, I'm most definitely sick enough to have enjoyed that one. Thanks for the laugh!

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