Your opinion on marrige?

[jmcook]

I had a long heated discussion with a co-worker today about marriage and the roles of the husband and wife. Well she believes that the man should make enough money to payy all the bills, and take care of the woman, and the woman shouldn't have to work unless she wants to. Even then, she said, the woman's money is for her and shouldn't have to be used to help out with the cost of living at all. Then some others joined her, male and female, and they all agreed with her. According to them, a woman shouldn't even marry a man unless he has the ability to care for her the rest of her life. Now I do live in a rather small country town, but am I the only one that finds this sexist and downright ignorant? I took it as a direct insult to my fiancee and I, because we've always had an equal relationship. We both work full time jobs, and combine our money to pay the bills, etc. I never have "taken care" of her and never will unless she becomes unable to work due to sickness or something. OK, well I just had to vent. Opinions?

[vass0922]

My opinion is if my wife chooses not to work and I am able to support us I wont make her. However I dont believe that its "her right" not to work just because she's married. If that were true the marriage rate in this country would be dramatically lower as many couples require 2 (or more!) incomes to survive.

I think its rather shallow to believe that "they shouldn't have to work". BS I think BOTH parties in a marriage should do what is required to make a household survive.

<insert .02 here>

[Killer_Penguin]

It's very sexest, and a SEVERE step back in womans lib.

I believe that a marrage takes 2 parties contributing to the whole. If that means that one works, and the other maintains the house (a job in it's self) that's cool with me, doesn't matter WHO it is.

I've already made an agreement with my fiencee. If and when we have children, one of us will stay home with the children... I don't care if it's me or her, which ever is easier for us....

[Hamond]

where do you work?

I can't believe that anyone would think that someone automatically deserves to recieve money just because they're married to someone.

Maybe in the 19th century this practice would have been acceptable when women certainly weren't expected or permitted to contribute to the upkeep of the home, but it's certainly not the case now. I would never marry a chick if she told me that she planned on mooching off of me for the rest of my life (and God only knows if she'll be cheating on me when I'm off on my 14 hour workdays supporting whatever it is she's spending my money on).

[vass0922]

Just out of curiousity what was the average age of the people involved?

Sometimes older women still feel the "old ways" were the "right ways".

Something along the lines of "once you marry your life belongs to that man, and to no other no matter what"... bleh BS

[coltrane]

Keeping in mind that I will never get married (I prefer to merely live together for at least 5 years prior....anything after that is merely paperwork), here is my opinion.

Marriage is a union of 2 people (something like sex, only with paperwork). Husbands and wives exists as a unit when it comes to finances, and things of that nature. You act as one, that what a marriage is all about.

It would seem like your friend only wants a pimp or something like that.

I recommend Ralinx.

It's very sexest, and a SEVERE step back in womans lib.

I believe that a marrage takes 2 parties contributing to the whole. *If that means that one works, and the other maintains the house (a job in it's self) that's cool with me, doesn't matter WHO it is.

Once again I find myself in agreement with KP.

[kenshi]

I think it's utter nonsense. I'd never marry a woman that felt that way. Here's my opinion on how it should be. Either both spouses go to work and split housework, or one goes to work and the other does housework. I've talked to my girlfriend about this and she agrees. Unfortunately she wants to get a job so I have to do half the housework. (I'd rather not do any of the housework.) But fortunately mowing the yard and working on the cars and house count as housework so maybe I can get my half in without having to do the things I hate, like cook and wash dishes. (She likes cooking anyway thank the gods.) Anyway, I will not be with a woman who doesn't think she needs to do her share in the relationship. Whether she wants to do it old-style and be a housewife or be more modern and work, it's ok with me. But I don't shelter any Peggy Bundys under my roof.

[stryder144]

I can't resist inserting my little two pence into the opinion machine ;D!

I am the sole bread winner in my house. My wife watches the kids. My job is easier and lasts a short period of time, relative to hers. Hers is 24/7. I get a break. I help out around the house (I am an expert bathroom cleaner!). The one luxury that I have is a gardener to take care of our yard. So, I get to do the dishes. If my wife wanted an outside the home type of job, then I wouldn't stop her. The only restriction that I have put on it is this: her paycheck must cover any expenses associated with her having a job. This includes the increased fuel costs, cost of upkeep for the van, babysitter, etc. Her job can not infringe upon my job, nor the money that it brings in. Our standard of living can't decrease simply because she wanted a job. Basically, once the increased costs are paid, then the money is used to pay off any debts we have. After that, the rest of the money would be hers.

I think that the woman <loosely applied term> is just being selfish. She wants the cake, but not the calories. Sorry, ain't happening. You get them both. So, she is just hurting herself and her supposed love interest. If he was cool with it, then that just makes him ignorant. She should be willing to contribute all of her check, just as she would expect him to be willing to do so. If they decide, together, that she should keep her money, then great. But, she can't be the sole decision maker. Otherwise, that isn't a partnership, that is a dictatorship.

Ultimately, her opinion is just going to cause her suffering. Don't worry about her, jmcook, she will die a lonely, miserable death, just like her life. Just focus on your pending marriage. It is more important than said co-workers opinion.

[boblucci]

KP I to agree with you.

It's all about sharing, if your going in selfish, it's just a recipe for disaster!