John Kerry was scheduled to visit the Catholic National Cathedral outside Washington as part of his campaign. Kerry's campaign manager made a visit to the Cardinal and said to him, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity among Catholics because of Kerry's position on abortion and the like. We'd gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if during your sermon you'd say John Kerry is a saint." The Cardinal thinks it over for a few moments and finally says, "The Church is in desperate need of funds and I will agree to do it." Kerry pompously shows up looking especially smug today and as the Mass progresses the Cardinal begins his homily. "John Kerry is petty, self absorbed, a hypocrite and a nitwit. He is a liar, a cheat, and a low intelligence weasel. He wrote a book and portrayed himself in the best light when he was a traitor to his fellow servicemen." The Cardinal continued; "He has lied about his military record and had the gall to put himself in for a medal. He married for money and is using it to lie to the American people. He is the worst example of a Catholic I've ever personally known. But compared to Ted Kennedy, John Kerry is a saint."