Funny joke

[mojo jojo]

"LET'S PLAY STAIN THE COUCH"

sounds like fun *goes lookin for GF*

[mojo jojo]

*ring* *ring*

"Hello! Technical Support, how can I help you?"

"Well, I was sorta hoping someone could walk me through taking a leak"

"Okay... well, do you have to go now?"

"Yes, I do"

"Okay... well, are you on male or female equipment?"

"MALE-CLONE..."

"Okay, the first thing we want to do is find your fly.."

"My what?"

"Your fly... it opens your pants. It should be in the front of you. Look down"

"I see shoes"

"No, sir... look sorta in the front of you... like just below your stomach. You should see some metal on your pants. That's your fly.."

"The round thing?"

"Well, that's your button... let's open that, too, while we're down there. The fly looks like a lot of little metal things sideways"

"Oh, okay.. got it. [pause] Okay, it's open.."

"Okay, sir... can you grab your willy?"

"No."

"Do you see your willy?"

"No."

"Okay... what do you see?"

"I see white... just white and some lines.."

"Do you have underwear installed?"

"No."

"Sir, if you can't see your willy, and you see only white... I think that you may have underwear installed. We are going to have to uninstall your underwear to take a leak...."

"Well, my friend was the last one to use my fly... he might have installed underwear..."

"Okay, sir... well grab the white part and pull down... keep pulling until you see your willy.."

"It's stuck... it won't go down..."

"The white part? Or your willy?"

"My willy..."

"DON"T pull down on your willy, sir... just the underwear... we only want to get to the point where we can see it...."

"Oh... okay, we're there...."

"Okay... now look around the room... do you see anything made of porcelain?"

"I see a little penguin on a shelf ..."

"Okay, sir...you're in the living room.... go to the bathroom. We can't take a leak until we are in the bathroom. The bathroom will have a lot of tile, maybe some carpeting... yours might have mirrors or some soap in it. Some people have showers in their bathrooms..."

"Well, I'm downstairs... I think the bathroom is upstairs..."

"Okay, well... let's go upstairs..."

"I can't walk..."

"Okay, sir... temporarily reinstall your underwear... then go upstairs..then uninstall your underwear again..."

"That was the white part, right?"

"Yes, sir... that's correct..."

[pause]

"Okay, I'm upstairs..."

"Okay... now do you see any porcelain bowl-type things?"

"Well, there's two..."

"How tall are you sir?"

"5'4" .."

"Okay... go to the one where it's lower than your willy...."

"Okay....I'm there"

"Okay... now make sure that you are pointing toward the porcelain bowl..now just go.... "

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when it pops up... just hit "okay"....."

[BurntAsh]

i saw the funniest thing ever today at best buy. i was in the computer section and walked past the monitor section which had about 20 monitors on display, and on all of them was the blue screen of death, a windows NT memory core dump, i almost had a heart attack being surrounded by big blue, my windows xp lovin friend was with me and he had a grin as i pointed and laughed.

END OF THREAD

This has gone WAY off topic, and while an interesting debate, we are suppose to be telling jokes. Could we split this off?

[mojo jojo]

NASCAR Distro Race
The results from last week's race at OS Speedway in Odum, Georgia.

1. Slackware- paint job not as pretty, started off slow but had to make fewer pit stops than the other entries. Experts say the new kernel under the hood added some torque to the older but still powerful transmission. Gear ratio strong enough to overcome the lack of aerodynamic styling.
2. Debian- too many add-ons slowed this entry. Pit crew had a hard time deciding on what version tires to change out. Delivery system on spare parts certainly did not contribute to second place finish.
3. Mandrake- flashy styling, good paint job can't make up for lack of power. Also parts delivery system still needs work. Looks good going around the track in third place.
4. Fedora Core- had the most pit stops of any entry. Pit crew would install a new part and find it was incompatible with the existing drive train. The tires were branded Redhat and other brand tires would not fit.
5. Yellowdog- went around the track the wrong way. Crew stated they were not familiar with the layout and did not realize the architecture of the track would be so different.
6. Gentoo- the race team started building this entry at the end of last season and are still working on putting the transmission and chassis together. We will be interested in how fast this entry will go once it is built, hopefully by the start of the next race season.
7.Suse- did not enter this NASCAR race as the team stated they preferred European style tracks and felt good handling was more important than raw power.
8. WinXP- since Microsoft owns the race track, the race series, and most of the fuel, they did not race but elected to make two first place trophies. They awarded themselves the other first place trophy and ran an ad in the NY Times proclaiming themselves the victor.

Next week- the Windows Manager Shootout Series at the QT/Gtk Raceway.

[Compunuts]

[quote author=Lovechild link=board=17;threadid=9210;start=0#msg85314 date=1088324305]we are suppose to be telling jokes.
[/quote]
Politics can be a joke. ;D

I agree though, it's WAY off topic.

[quote author=Compunuts link=board=17;threadid=9210;start=0#msg85317 date=1088338611]
[quote author=Lovechild link=board=17;threadid=9210;start=0#msg85314 date=1088324305]we are suppose to be telling jokes.
[/quote]
Politics can be a joke. ;D

I agree though, it's WAY off topic.
[/quote]

Often it is... infact let's see who can think of the best joke involving politics (no offense intended - let's be open here).

This one always sat well with me.

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."

-edit-

I really shouldn't type two replies at the same time, these got mixed up slightly

[BurntAsh]

lol thats funny shit

[mojo jojo]

[quote author=burntash link=board=17;threadid=9210;start=0#msg85373 date=1088375646]
lol thats funny shit
[/quote]
kinda old but still funny ;D

I just found this gem..

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a
US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees the South
to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees the
North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course
15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say
again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE
SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call!