Here are some total gems I have excerpted from some recent cover letters in response to an entry level help desk poisiton I posted in the times. Please read these before writing your next cover letter.

I have been exposed to the up to date IT technology as well as the genuine issues of the incorporation an management of the IT technology in the corporate environment.
Again. In English next time, please.

I needn't be a recruiter at a vivacious college like [insert our institution's name here] to understand the difficulty of selecting an individual that will most benefit your school.


1, Full of animation and spirit;

2. Sprightly in temper or conduct; lively; merry; as, a vivacious poet.

I'd call my job many things, but I'd certainly never call it "merry", "animated" or “sprightly in temper”.
Come on folks, a dictionary, please.

I will get right to the point. My experience includes over 13 years of helpdesk/desktop technical support...
I'll get to the point too...NEXT!
The advertisement said ENTRY-LEVEL! Read the ad. Thirteen years is an awful long entry period, wouldn't you think?

Please accept mi attached resume.
The transition from Spanish to English has apparently not taken complete effect yet for this applicant.

OBJECTIVE: Intermediate position in database administration/development/maintenance.
Database? Whose database? Wow, I didn’t even known mine needed administration. Again, to this I can only say --GO BACK AND REREAD THE FREAKIN AD YOU BOOB!

This last is my all time favorite...
While other factors such as a stable environment and the opportunity for continued career growth are of primary importance to me, you should know that in recent years, my total compensation has been in the range of $170,000 to $200,000.
Um, yeah...lay off the pipe lady, crack kills. Shall we discuss the stock options that come with this position?

I apologize if I offended anyone who may have applied for this job, but come on, you had it coming... >